Sunday, June 28, 2009
11:10:00 PM
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Thursday, June 18, 2009
9:34:00 PM
Anchors of the past are being cut.. i start to understand whats the meaning of "myself".. heroes.. finally my eyes are opened enuff to see that heroes are the people that always die alone, heroes always die young.. only in movies will heroes be appreciated.. only after they're dead will they be remembered for their heroic deeds.. i can't shoulder the weight i'm carrying for people anymore.. i can't move or breathe with them.. i can't be as selfless as i used to be, i'll be compromised.. i'm still flesh, i deserved to be happy much as any of u out there.. i'll pick and choose.. i know i can do tt.. so i'm sorry leslie.. u're not gonna be a hero no more.. u're not gonna be selfless no more.. u're gonna let ur heart wrk.. because ur head only knows how to think for ppl... but ur heart speaks for urself... let go of the anchors tt hold u down in place.. vice is taking the stern...
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Sunday, May 31, 2009
1:28:00 AM
lets see..... wat happened today.... hmm nothing much.. just grazed my hand with a knife while trying to make my sandals outta tires.. mind u its my final piece.. its gonna be perfect... but like all joys tt are only too often accompanied by bitterness... i went to my dad's factory in the morning.. found the kinda tires i was looking for... those re-treaded ones used for the dirt trails... got it kinda process before i cut it up into transportable pieces...sat in the comfort of my front porch...traced the perfect template onto the tyres and started cutting with the same knives tt i used for the other 2 drafts samples.. and then came the horror.... the knife didn't go through as smoothly as it used to... had to like use twice of even thrice as much strength to get the grove going.... then i took a look at the pieces which i cut off.. and to my horror.... i realised why it was so tough.. u see there are three kinda tyres... those with steel wires, steel meshes and nylon meshes in them to reinforce them... i'm using the nylon kind... my first 2 drafts.. had like say max 3 layers of nylon meshes loosely spaced between each layer... it was easier to cut them up.. then the tire i was working on.. had 6 layers of meshes.. tightly packed.. i felt like i was working with WOOD man... 3 hrs into the job and i only manage to get the raw shape done.. usually i only take an hr... and tts a relaxed hr not a sweaty every muscle strained 3 hrs... then i proceeded to make holes in the template for the bindings.. got like hmm 3 holes.. took me an hr and a half.. sheesh.. the to my utter horror.. the knife snapped.. i had to stop work... oh yea before the knife snapped.. it slipped and licked my hand... -sigh- another injury to the long list.... oh well tts another day....
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Friday, May 29, 2009
4:55:00 PM
Its not dead, its just dormant.. I've got nothing to do currently.. so i though i'd blog.. for those who still read this.. thank you for tuning in.. i would readily give u a great big hug if your a guy and i'll add a kiss if your a girl.. life will always be life.. its still giving me problems.. and i had my fair share of short-lived happiness.. i wish we were all born with an all-answering manual clutched in our hands.. but to think of it.. we actually do have it.. and we christen it the brain.. soooo if we all have the cells, thoughts and feeling that makes us human.. why issit so hard to fathom wat another person's thinking? and why is there the constant need to find out our worth in another person's eyes.. why do we take ppl that find us important for granted.. and only come to realise that we cld have done better with them tt ppl whom we wanna be accepted by only when its all too late? at the rate tt i'm being hit by all these "enlighting" it leaves me concussed and regretting the lost time and thinking "if only i had come to realise sooner" how many of us wants a machine that can travel back in time? how many of us actually care bout the "butterfly effect" i for one wld not care bout it.. selfish as i'm, i just wanna help myself find tt path sooner.. there are alot of you out there that i wish i didn't know.. and i call you friends because i wun have any if i dun.. but ask yourselves before u judge me hypocritical.... HOW many of you.. WILL STAND BY ME when disaster befalls and see me through.. i wish i cld let this hyperactive brain rest.. but i guess its on autopilot and i can't seem to find a stop button for it.. i've been wondering too if its that hard to find a best friend when u're 23.. and it seems tt the answer is yes.. everyone has probably settled into their lives' pattern.. who actually has a slot for you.. i'm not even saying a room.. A SLOT... in their already cramped hearts... well if you have one.. then tell me.. i need a best friend.. i always wondered how it feels to have a best friend.. i guess i can only keep wondering and relying on the tv and movies til i actually find one.. much is lost by finding a way.. the older you are.. the simpler the kinda life you wld wanna live..
oh.. did i mention i'm in m'sia now? taking a look at my dad's biz? tyre recycling.. i guess he cld use some help here.. i'm wondering if i cld just stay here and help him out.. the only major setback is i dunno how to speak cantonese or malay.. its gonna be hard to communicate.. and if i really stay.. i probably just abandon all that i have in singapore to start anew here... sounds attractive.. VERY attractive actually.. but it has its risks.. i shall not say it.. lest it comes true.. everything's cheap here..well if you're talking bout basic daily neccessities..and not talking bout life's luxuries then the standards of living here is actually VERY low as compared to singapore.. it has its drawbacks too.. things here are not as updated as singapore.. fashion here's abit backwards.. hygenie... dun get me started on it... life is slow here.. u can literally count the days by its second.. tts how slow it is.. and when i look around.. appearance-wise i can actually fit in.. they're more or less ah-bengish.. and HEY i'm not criticizing anything or anyone.. i'm just comparing k.. so dun shoot me down or flame me or anything liddat.. there is an endless list if i were to compare this place and singapore.. generally singapore's more convienient.. BUT the pace is stressful....and ipoh's slower but not everything is tt convienient... so sometimes it gets a lil irritating.. did i bring up the fact tt this place is a SCORCHER.. my guess is cuz there are very lil high-rise here... so the sun gets to shine on more ground than faces of buildings.. u can literally cook in a car even wif the air-con on full blast when u wait for tt traffic light to turn green.. oh yar.. the traffic lights... u probably have to wait like wat.. say 5 mins for the red to turn green.. no kidding.. bout tt long.. imagine i can even get tanned just by sitting in the front seat of the car.. tts how strong the sun is... but somehow.. i love it.. even though i'm complaining and complaining.. but all these lamentations' just part of leslie.. VERY MUCH a part of leslie..
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Tuesday, December 02, 2008
1:18:00 AM
DISTRAUGHT
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Monday, December 01, 2008
2:52:00 AM
my bdae is round the corner.. but i strangely got no mood to celebrate it this yr.. making feeble attempts to celebrate it.. dunno wat has gotten into me.. heh.. for someone like me tt holds his birthday as the utmost importance in life.. this isn't right.. this isn't me.. bring me back me...
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Saturday, November 22, 2008
1:43:00 AM
it was supposed to be a good day.. things had to go wrong... the good news tt i wanted to celebrate decided it had to wait.. i saw u walking away swiftly like a flash.. a million thoughts suddenly went through my head.. its almost 2 in the morning.. but i just can't slp.. as i worry bout you, there are a million things i'd wish. i hope u'r fine.. but who m i to kid... to see you walking away... so quickly so swift.. ahhh fuck.. i dunno wat i'm typing.... my mind's in sucha mess suddenly....
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Sunday, November 16, 2008
12:47:00 AM
i made decisions in my life.. but neva quite this one.. i'm on a warpath.. a warpath tt will allow me to reach my goals and aims.. those who challenge me and stand in my way shall be cut down by any means.. i'll not let myself be daunted by the likes of u venomous vipers and slothy creatures.. my world.. my way.. so hate me.. the attitude tt i see is sickening.. SICKENING...
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Thursday, October 30, 2008
1:15:00 AM
no.. this entry is not emo.. i'm just thinking my thoughts out physically.. if u went on the streets and ask this qn.. " wld u want ur life to be colorful? " wats tt answer u'd get? yes i want it to be colorful...it already is... well guess wat.. i just want my life to be black and white.. budden.. this two simple colors simply evades me.. why black and white? cuz i realised tt i M tt tired of colors in my life.. the two most boring colors are simply the best colors.. the safest u myght say.. but for now i'm tired of all the excitement.. leave me out of it.. i'll care bout wat i want to care.. who i want to care.. and why i want to care.. those are the colors of my life tt i want.. they're enuff.. strangely how a sociable person like me can become so withdrawn like a hermit lately.. and it doesn't seem to bother me at all... its like i'm enjoying all these "me" time... true the only source of connection with the world then becomes my phone and msn.. but tts all i need for now.. sick and tired of discovering.. i dun wanna discover.. dun make me.. i'm not sorry for being mean to ppl.. its my way of asking u to leave me alone.. after 21 yrs of being an option... its time for me to choose... i'm not fit to judge.. but i'm definitely fit to choose my frens... since black and white is so hard for me.. i'm choosing the colors that i'll use to paint my colors.. those that accidentally appear on my canvas.. i'll remove u... even if it means cutting u out.. no regrets... i'm the artist.. i paint my canvas.. my artwork does not comprise of chance.. blood, sweat and tears.. i'll carve my path, my road....
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Friday, October 24, 2008
12:41:00 PM
completed this last nyght.. hahaha enjoy~~
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