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2009-06-28T23:10:00.003+08:00

pretty....

2009-06-18T21:34:00.002+08:00

Anchors of the past are being cut.. i start to understand whats the meaning of "myself".. heroes.. finally my eyes are opened enuff to see that heroes are the people that always die alone, heroes always die young.. only in movies will heroes be appreciated.. only after they're dead will they be remembered for their heroic deeds.. i can't shoulder the weight i'm carrying for people anymore.. i can't move or breathe with them.. i can't be as selfless as i used to be, i'll be compromised.. i'm still flesh, i deserved to be happy much as any of u out there.. i'll pick and choose.. i know i can do tt.. so i'm sorry leslie.. u're not gonna be a hero no more.. u're not gonna be selfless no more.. u're gonna let ur heart wrk.. because ur head only knows how to think for ppl... but ur heart speaks for urself... let go of the anchors tt hold u down in place.. vice is taking the stern...

2009-05-31T01:28:00.003+08:00

lets see..... wat happened today.... hmm nothing much.. just grazed my hand with a knife while trying to make my sandals outta tires.. mind u its my final piece.. its gonna be perfect... but like all joys tt are only too often accompanied by bitterness... i went to my dad's factory in the morning.. found the kinda tires i was looking for... those re-treaded ones used for the dirt trails... got it kinda process before i cut it up into transportable pieces...sat in the comfort of my front porch...traced the perfect template onto the tyres and started cutting with the same knives tt i used for the other 2 drafts samples.. and then came the horror.... the knife didn't go through as smoothly as it used to... had to like use twice of even thrice as much strength to get the grove going.... then i took a look at the pieces which i cut off.. and to my horror.... i realised why it was so tough.. u see there are three kinda tyres... those with steel wires, steel meshes and nylon meshes in them to reinforce them... i'm using the nylon kind... my first 2 drafts.. had like say max 3 layers of nylon meshes loosely spaced between each layer... it was easier to cut them up.. then the tire i was working on.. had 6 layers of meshes.. tightly packed.. i felt like i was working with WOOD man... 3 hrs into the job and i only manage to get the raw shape done.. usually i only take an hr... and tts a relaxed hr not a sweaty every muscle strained 3 hrs... then i proceeded to make holes in the template for the bindings.. got like hmm 3 holes.. took me an hr and a half.. sheesh.. the to my utter horror.. the knife snapped.. i had to stop work... oh yea before the knife snapped.. it slipped and licked my hand... -sigh- another injury to the long list.... oh well tts another day....

2009-05-29T16:55:00.002+08:00

Its not dead, its just dormant.. I've got nothing to do currently.. so i though i'd blog.. for those who still read this.. thank you for tuning in.. i would readily give u a great big hug if your a guy and i'll add a kiss if your a girl.. life will always be life.. its still giving me problems.. and i had my fair share of short-lived happiness.. i wish we were all born with an all-answering manual clutched in our hands.. but to think of it.. we actually do have it.. and we christen it the brain.. soooo if we all have the cells, thoughts and feeling that makes us human.. why issit so hard to fathom wat another person's thinking? and why is there the constant need to find out our worth in another person's eyes.. why do we take ppl that find us important for granted.. and only come to realise that we cld have done better with them tt ppl whom we wanna be accepted by only when its all too late? at the rate tt i'm being hit by all these "enlighting" it leaves me concussed and regretting the lost time and thinking "if only i had come to realise sooner" how many of us wants a machine that can travel back in time? how many of us actually care bout the "butterfly effect" i for one wld not care bout it.. selfish as i'm, i just wanna help myself find tt path sooner.. there are alot of you out there that i wish i didn't know.. and i call you friends because i wun have any if i dun.. but ask yourselves before u judge me hypocritical.... HOW many of you.. WILL STAND BY ME when disaster befalls and see me through.. i wish i cld let this hyperactive brain rest.. but i guess its on autopilot and i can't seem to find a stop button for it.. i've been wondering too if its that hard to find a best friend when u're 23.. and it seems tt the answer is yes.. everyone has probably settled into their lives' pattern.. who actually has a slot for you.. i'm not even saying a room.. A SLOT... in their already cramped hearts... well if you have one.. then tell me.. i need a best friend.. i always wondered how it feels to have a best friend.. i guess i can only keep wondering and relying on the tv and movies til i actually find one.. much is lost by finding a way.. the older you are.. the simpler the kinda life you wld wanna live..

oh.. did i mention i'm in m'sia now? taking a look at my dad's biz? tyre recycling.. i guess he cld use some help here.. i'm wondering if i cld just stay here and help him out.. the only major setback is i dunno how to speak cantonese or malay.. its gonna be hard to communicate.. and if i really stay.. i probably just abandon all that i have in singapore to start anew here... sounds attractive.. VERY attractive actually.. but it has its risks.. i shall not say it.. lest it comes true.. everything's cheap here..well if you're talking bout basic daily neccessities..and not talking bout life's luxuries then the standards of living here is actually VERY low as compared to singapore.. it has its drawbacks too.. things here are not as updated as singapore.. fashion here's abit backwards.. hygenie... dun get me started on it... life is slow here.. u can literally count the days by its second.. tts how slow it is.. and when i look around.. appearance-wise i can actually fit in.. they're more or less ah-bengish.. and HEY i'm not criticizing anything or anyone.. i'm just comparing k.. so dun shoot me down or flame me or anything liddat.. there is an endless list if i were to compare this place and singapore.. generally singapore's more convienient.. BUT the pace is stressful....and ipoh's slower but not everything is tt convienient... so sometimes it gets a lil irritating.. did i bring up the fact tt this place is a SCORCHER.. my guess is cuz there are very lil high-rise here... so the sun gets to shine on more ground than faces of buildings.. u can literally cook in a car even wif the air-con on full blast when u wait for tt traffic light to turn green.. oh yar.. the traffic lights... u probably have to wait like wat.. say 5 mins for the red to turn green.. no kidding.. bout tt long.. imagine i can even get tanned just by sitting in the front seat of the car.. tts how strong the sun is... but somehow.. i love it.. even though i'm complaining and complaining.. but all these lamentations' just part of leslie.. VERY MUCH a part of leslie..

2008-12-02T01:18:00.000+08:00

DISTRAUGHT

2008-12-01T02:52:00.002+08:00

my bdae is round the corner.. but i strangely got no mood to celebrate it this yr.. making feeble attempts to celebrate it.. dunno wat has gotten into me.. heh.. for someone like me tt holds his birthday as the utmost importance in life.. this isn't right.. this isn't me.. bring me back me...

2008-11-22T01:43:00.002+08:00

it was supposed to be a good day.. things had to go wrong... the good news tt i wanted to celebrate decided it had to wait.. i saw u walking away swiftly like a flash.. a million thoughts suddenly went through my head.. its almost 2 in the morning.. but i just can't slp.. as i worry bout you, there are a million things i'd wish. i hope u'r fine.. but who m i to kid... to see you walking away... so quickly so swift.. ahhh fuck.. i dunno wat i'm typing.... my mind's in sucha mess suddenly....

2008-11-16T00:47:00.002+08:00

i made decisions in my life.. but neva quite this one.. i'm on a warpath.. a warpath tt will allow me to reach my goals and aims.. those who challenge me and stand in my way shall be cut down by any means.. i'll not let myself be daunted by the likes of u venomous vipers and slothy creatures.. my world.. my way.. so hate me.. the attitude tt i see is sickening.. SICKENING...

2008-10-30T01:15:00.002+08:00

no.. this entry is not emo.. i'm just thinking my thoughts out physically.. if u went on the streets and ask this qn.. " wld u want ur life to be colorful? " wats tt answer u'd get? yes i want it to be colorful...it already is... well guess wat.. i just want my life to be black and white.. budden.. this two simple colors simply evades me.. why black and white? cuz i realised tt i M tt tired of colors in my life.. the two most boring colors are simply the best colors.. the safest u myght say.. but for now i'm tired of all the excitement.. leave me out of it.. i'll care bout wat i want to care.. who i want to care.. and why i want to care.. those are the colors of my life tt i want.. they're enuff.. strangely how a sociable person like me can become so withdrawn like a hermit lately.. and it doesn't seem to bother me at all... its like i'm enjoying all these "me" time... true the only source of connection with the world then becomes my phone and msn.. but tts all i need for now.. sick and tired of discovering.. i dun wanna discover.. dun make me.. i'm not sorry for being mean to ppl.. its my way of asking u to leave me alone.. after 21 yrs of being an option... its time for me to choose... i'm not fit to judge.. but i'm definitely fit to choose my frens... since black and white is so hard for me.. i'm choosing the colors that i'll use to paint my colors.. those that accidentally appear on my canvas.. i'll remove u... even if it means cutting u out.. no regrets... i'm the artist.. i paint my canvas.. my artwork does not comprise of chance.. blood, sweat and tears.. i'll carve my path, my road....

2008-10-24T12:41:00.002+08:00

completed this last nyght.. hahaha enjoy~~

2008-10-16T03:36:00.002+08:00

well well look at the time.. i've been wrking on this today! i made the white color base lar... adding a tree hope all goes well with it

guess its time for my run.. :P time passes.. wounds heal.. scars remained.. but dreams WILL BE fulfilled...

2008-10-12T01:35:00.002+08:00

its 1:36am... yesterday i had a great day.. i treated 2 of my 3 sis to lunch.. simple one.. treated meifang to starbucks.. and i caught a kapibara for mf!! haha.. i'm happy to see tt smile of hers.. makes me happy too... nothing beats giving a fren what they want most.. yea this is my entry for the day... i'm just too lazy..

2008-10-05T18:46:00.002+08:00

in 19 more days.. i'm starting my life on a fresh new page.. of a new book... yeap u read right.. a new bk.. not a new chpt... i'm leaving alot of things as i leave NS.. bad memories.. bad habits... all left behind for good.. one of which is smoking.. i dun care and dun know who reads this blog anymore.. in 19 more days.. dreams and goals will be things tt are real... regaining of freedom will come with a price.. heavy price it is though.. no more 3 meals provided daily.. no more getting by each day just by slacking or sleeping.. things will change dramatically... lately things have taken a its toll on me.. perspective of life have change.. personal set of values have changed.. but all these are needed so i'll be happier.. i needa be more self centered.. i'm just a tiny speck of dust.. my survival is more impt than anything.. there are still ppl i trust.. ppl whom i seek comfort in... Thank God for these grp of special ppl...and yea... speaking of God.. i'm gonna go back to church.. before tt i'll have to come to terms with myself... i gotta stop beating myself up over lil things.. i needa believe.. because what i believe in... i'll get... yeap... tts wat i'm gonna use to get through my new book... i welcome the change.. i welcome my future... most of all.. i welcome my dreams and desires...

2008-10-01T01:51:00.002+08:00

lately so many things went on.. if not for the guitar.. i probably wld have fallen apart.. i did seek for comfort in ppl.. but sometimes.. words dun hold no comfort at all.. yea.. so i thank my guitar.. i thank anthony for teaching me... i realised being alone ain't tt scary afterall.. in fact i feel more sane when i'm alone.. yea and being distant frm everyone lately brought me a strange sort of comfort.. and i got out of this whole isolation thing being a new person... i'm not tt nice kid anymore.. ppl tt didn't know me had to just judge.. judge me with tinted glasses... can't be bothered... my confidants.. my frens.. i've established and know who they are.. i'll live without the rest... i'll be fine... because i believe.. therefore i'll be...

2008-08-31T08:53:00.002+08:00

the past few days had been taxing on my mood as a whole.. felt being forced to adjust faster.. to decide and think things through quicker.. i realised something now as well. people dun generally value frens as much as they think they do now... they abuse that word and use it for their simple convenience.. friendship that u think u have forged through fire.. cld probably only be as strong as a thin piece of thread.. i didn't wanna believe it was tt weak with this particular fren who shared some of my lowest and highest moments with me. but as time wore on.. i realised i'm nothing more than someone who can be discarded easily. but i guess i'll be fine without u.. i've still got a few more who i can call frens... probably myght not let anyone get close anymore.. it hurts when they leave for stupid reasons... heh heh...

2008-08-19T20:53:00.002+08:00

just ran a 6km... took 43 mins.. 3traffic light stops.. lets just say i hold out in my run for each "pit" i wonder how i'm gonna complete the nike human race next wk.. its 10km.. i haven't got the slightest confidence i tell ya.. gonna start feeling stressed out soon... anyway tts all i wanna blog.. cya..

2008-08-15T01:32:00.002+08:00

i'm not emo all the time because of all the sad and gloomy entries. i have my happy days too. my blog's just a place for me to complain, its like its alive.. i tell it my sorrows more than my happiness. so for those who read my blog and think tt i'm just another emo kid on the street, maybe ya wanna think again. doesn't really bother me bout who reads and doesn't read my blog, those who care probably would read it time and again. this is my solace.. a virtual solace.. but a solace nevertheless.its a place where i can get away frm hypocrites and ppl who speak the norm.a place where it listens and neva speaks.. i like it here.. so all those who wanna read my blog.. welcome to my solace.. my sanctuary. a sad and gloomy solace.. but still a place for me to escape..

2008-08-08T15:33:00.004+08:00

i haven been blogging.. i see virtual cobwebs again.. budden again does it matter if i blog here daily or not? i'm too busy catching up with my life.. i spent enuff time wallowing in the pits of self-pity.. now i'm sprinting to cover the journey i missed out.. nike human race is coming.. 10km.. my first 10km.. i'll do it.. i'll make.. i'll finish it.. with ease.. because i must.. because i'll...

on the topic of running.. i congratulate R²unners' 2 teams for clinching the 1st and the 3rd place in the Poly 50 alumni's catergory.. i'm proud to be part of ur backstage.. :) no wait.. proud is just not the right word.. when i think of it i'll put it here in bold and caps...

2008-06-22T21:48:00.002+08:00

MY IPOD NANO... has been f**ked by my 3 sisters.. normally i wldn't give a damn if its just an ordinary ipod nano... but this is different.. i'm f**king pissed cuz i won it at the ADD when she was still with me looking like an angel.. i'm f**king pissed cuz its my last piece of sweet memory to exist.. now it has been put to slp by 3 morons.. who claimed that it was spoilt when i lent it to them.. yar i was stupid enuff to lend it to them outta good will.. rest assured.. i wun be so nice in the future.. sickening... oh well i guess... its time to let go of everything too.. easier said than done.. I'M STILL EFFF-ING P I S S E D ! ! ! ! ! LIKE EFFING P I S S E D!

2008-06-05T19:01:00.002+08:00

didn't have time to blog lately.. had a track and field camp last wk... had my share of fun... and.... i got to know new ppl.. i mean like really chat with them.. how long has tt been since i last known someone new.. haha oh well anyway i weighed myself lately.. realised i lost weight.. which is gd~! and tt motivated me to add more jogging routines.. been doing some 4.5km lately... today.. i booked out to try a 6km.. with my dear jogging buddy xq... still waiting for him to reach home ley... tml i'm going to make a trip down to sch to do another 6.... must push.. must lose somemore weight... i needa run for poly50.. no.. make tt i MUST run for poly 50....

2008-05-25T01:55:00.002+08:00

been wrking on josephine's guest book.. so i'm like still a step away frm completing the shoes..
well the WHOLE package lar... here's a look at josephine's guest book.... sketch... almost finished... damn.. didn't have time to scan the finished one....

2008-05-17T20:15:00.005+08:00

hmm lets see.. lately.. i've been meddling with some shoes.. well i've finished two pairs already.. but i can't find a camera to take photos of them.. so i'll just post the half completed photos.. they're TWO pairs.. i know the design dun compliment one another.. they're not supposed to.. so stop telling me that already.... anyway.. enjoy..
these are for esther.. here are the closeups.. obviously the pink side is not finished..
these are for sharon.. the tongue's not done.. the leaves for the roses are not added yet...

2008-05-10T23:57:00.001+08:00

went for the second poly 50 training today... something tells me i need more wind in my legs... i must push on.... the comp's in aug... if i keep pushing.. i just myght make it.. no more backseat for me.. i wanna be in the event itself this time... i just hope my mind is strong enuff to make it...

2008-04-27T21:32:00.002+08:00

this is what i've been doing recently.... i think the pictures will do the talking...

2008-04-26T12:08:00.002+08:00

another week's coming to an end.. haha one week nearer to freedom! this wk's been trash.. but since when is it not trashy when a person's in camp.. staring at the same colors watching the same ppl go by... confined by boundaries.. wah piang eh.... its crazy man crazy... doing my weekly hunt at weesoon's place.. in fact.. was over last nyght already... waiting for the 30th man.. can't wait to get my pair of low cut bball shoes... decided on adidas but which? tt will have to be left to heaven to decide.. a poor man has got few choices ya know... if only heaven rained money on me when i go out today... that will be the best thing to happen for this 1 yr plus... money... its not everything.. but without it we're nothing....

2008-04-15T19:11:00.005+08:00

well happened to book out today for awhile.. so here i'm.. anyway... i've colored a piece of my drawing.. in marker and colored pencils.. its not fabulous.. but i can't decide which medium to settle with.. so i need ya comments.. whoever's reading this blog...
colored pencil... marker.....

2008-04-05T15:58:00.002+08:00

i'm back frm whereva i went.. its a saturday.. check out the time.. and i'm blogging.. tts cuz i'm home.. and tts pretty sad.. cldn't find nobody to go out with..heh.. wat to do.. everyone's getting older.. all got their old lives.. i shall just stay home and sip on my chivas then.. it ain't sad.. strangely its fine with me.. maybe just a lil time wasting.. but yea its fine i guess.. sit in my room.. listen to music.. make some drinks and get my blood all stirred up for something.. not tt bad at all i guess..probably going out tonyght to weesoon's place for some hunting.. tts bout as much life as i have... i've learnt tt to have a life.. u need money no matter how lil u spend.. its still money.. u neva know u cld be as broke as me.. not a cent in my pocket... hahaha.. tts singapore.. everything's bout money.. nothing's pure anymore.. well i'll just suck it all up and look for a better place to live in when i can afford tt... crap place.. even most ppl tt live here are crap...

2008-03-14T23:39:00.007+08:00

1 2 3 4 5, 6 7, 8 9, 10 11, 12 13, 14

just scanned some pics with my 5 day old scanner that i bought frm the IT show.. it works like a beauty.. i love it i love it i loveeeeeee it! hahaha.. here are some pics for ya to enjoy!

2008-03-02T20:13:00.002+08:00

难道梦想只是在电视联戏剧可以实现吗？为何别人有梦想在我眼里是如此的容易实现而我的却连看也看不到呢？我也想追求我的梦，可是就是不管我怎样追，梦想总是比我快一步。我的要求也不高啊。。。天啊。。。难道这是我上辈子造的孽吗？
好累，每一天都要这个样子过，我要想开心，可是当你追不到你的梦想时。。。要如何开心。。。何况那是我唯一的梦想。。。我尝试不去理会我梦想的呼唤，可是做不到，怎么说我们人的梦想都是藏在心里的，要对来自内心的呼唤是如此的难。就算我有再强的意志力，我也不敢，所以我要尽快遭到追随梦想的方向，快马加鞭的追上。。。

好了，我就不提了。。。

2008-03-02T11:57:00.002+08:00

went to raffles design institute's openhouse yesterday..checked out the fashion design course.. didn't seem to be very detailed as i expected.. my answers are still not really answered.. but then again they were exactly questions that i cld put into words.. they're more like feelings.. after a talk with the staff frm RDI, i realised that i didn't need a portfolio to get into RDI.. i just needed to be able to afford 60,000 for the whole 3 yrs.. and lets see... bout another 3000 for the material cost in total? its a rough estimation given by the stuff.. that thought alone wavered my dream.. felt like the door that was open had closed by a gd fraction.. no.. tt feeling was gd at all.. went to clement's bdae party after tt.. but tt thought neva really left my head.. in the face of all the fun and stuff it just stayed that haunting me.. came home this morning and watched project runway... as i watched and listened to the comments given by the judges themselves.. i began to doubt my own abilities... being too focused on a goal is not a gd thing.. it leaves u no other options nor room for creativity.. and losing "yourself" in your design means u're not a designer at all.. the opinions of ppl matter.. but ur natural instincts should be the source of fuel that powers the design.. i need someone to talk to... but it seems my parents nor some of my friends do understand.. my shoulders are big and broad.. but it seems the weight that they bear just gets heavier and heavier... leaving for my pondering...

2008-02-24T01:02:00.002+08:00

how time flies.. so fast and its sunday morning.. gotta book in later.. boring.... caught P.S. I Love You on friday.. heh thanks to jun.. the tic only cost 6 bucks.. cuz she's still a student! hahaha.. well the movie was pretty gd.. i think its pretty gd.. haha i wanna be somebody's jerry too... but i guess things like that only happens in reel life... got some reading materials frm vivo yesterday... and i realised i over spent this month.. gonna have to survive on 27 dollars til 10th of march..just monster hunted the day away with clem, tp and weesoon.. nothing much.. this is my life.. a boring life.... but well this is it..

2008-02-02T22:50:00.000+08:00

over at nam gee's place for reunion dinner.. heading over to fang ting's chalet after this.. 8 mins left and we're heading over.. gonna get CPL choo to HR 4 then if possible to 5 and 6 today.. this wk is a tiring wk.. i'm tired.. the voices in my head are getting louder.. and the tugging in my heart is getting stronger.. i keep forcing it down.. but there will come the day when it over powers me... sigh.... lets wait til then..

2008-01-25T21:28:00.000+08:00

7 things

jason u're an ass.... whoever u are.. u 7 ppl mean alot to me.. cuz u came first into my mind... hahaha i'm serious!

7 random things about me:
1. i'm a schizo
2. i hate my tiny lil room
3. i keep thinking some basketballers are huge when they're bout the same size as me
4. i doodle when i'm bored
5. i think slping's a waste of time
6. i've been told i'm very naggy..( i'm just concerned)
7. i like to come online.. but there's always no one to talk to... welll most of the time...

7 things that scare me
1. the world... i dunno wats real and wats not..
2. myself
3. injuries.. not scratches and cuts.. but sprained and broken stuff..
4. girls.. ( i keep getting used )
5. roaches
6. heights
7. walking alone. at nyght.( i'm nyght blind)

7 favourite music artistes at the moment:
1. Linkin Park
2. Mi Lu Ping
3. Andy Lau
4. Jacky Cheung
5. Corrine May
6. Creed
7. Nickelback

7 things i like most:
1. Basketball
2. Monster Hunting
3. Tall Girls
4. Designing Clothes
5. Making Roses Outta Different Materials..
6. The Garo tt XQ and co. gave me..
7. The Bag my Grandma Gave me..

7 LUCKY people to do this
1. Clem
2. Jazelle
3. Rhoda
4. Jasmine
5. Yi Xian
6. Teck Peng
7. Sherrie

alryght this is just in the name of fun.. i've nothing to do too.. so if u have nothing to do... myght as well just copy and paste and do this ryght?? hahaha

2008-01-25T19:06:00.000+08:00

took my IPPT early in the morning today... passed everything.. cept for my 2.4 and pull ups.. damn i'm screwed if i dun pass them before i ORD... i'll have to go sign up for RT at the guards camp.. gd news is.. i passed my shuttle run with a 10.1.. lousier than the one i did in tekong by 0.1 seconds.. situps went done to 41 instead of the usual 48... stand broad jump.. i just scraped through with a 215... sheesh.. i've been thinking bout how to pass my 2.4 and pull ups... i guess i'll do a better 2.4 the next time round.. since i walked quite abit for this one... bahz... now i have to be motivated without a choice.. wah lan ehz.... super CUIz... pull ups is the most worrying station.. since i neva passed it.. the most i attempted in my life was 3... 3... measly 3.. i need twice tt to pass and all i can do now is....... 0.... kosong...... for the love of mankind.. i wish a miracle takes place...

2008-01-20T18:02:00.001+08:00

well well.. i'm back frm the dead.. i see virtual cobwebs hanging frm the corners of my lil blog.. recall's over.. now i can slp in peace and go out on saturdays... and i'm gonna ORD this yr!! woohooo... too early to start a countdown.. but well its finally THIS YR!!! been monsterhunting with the gang as usual.. its like our favourite pastime.. nope.. make tt our only pasttime when we get together.. well... wateva bonds us i'm fine with it... life's not all bout girls.. budden again.. we all want love one way or another.. i'm not in a hurry to find the next.. but if anyone comes along.. i'll probably be ready for it.. well.. this is as much as i wanna blog.. cya all dear readers... oh yea.... if anyone wants some handmade roses for valentine's day.. gimme a call.. i'll be nice.. 1.50 per rose.. haha BUT u better tell me a wk or 2 in advance...

2008-01-01T19:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YR... my blog is not dead.. this is a temporary entry... i'm just caught up with stuff...

2007-12-27T17:35:00.000+08:00

today... the topic is... life... now now.. ain't tt the everyday topic.. well.. whats ur view on life? whacha do everyday to make it fulfilling? me? i spend my days away looking for ppl to go out with.. yes.. looking for ppl.. not everyone's as free as me.. they have their own fulfilling lives to live.. me... i guess i'm still looking for the meaning... tts why i gather a group of friends almost whenever i can to go out and hunt for the meaning with me.. no one told me how meaning looks like... but they did say u will know it when u see it.. but as time goes by.. this group of friends change.. i see them leaving one by one.. or in groups... they found their meaning.. they come... they go... and they come back again... well.. my doors are always open for friends.. tts the keyword... friends..

blahz.. gotta make a trip back to camp later.. forgotten to leave my office key there.. gonna be on OFF tml.. so anyone wanna ask me out.. plz feel free to call... i'm just rotting my life away in front of this laptop.. staring at yesterdays...

2007-12-23T11:19:00.000+08:00

i'm a tired kid man.. since friday i've been slping in the morning... jazelle came over to bake cookies.. alot of wrongs.. haha baked all the way to 7 in the morn.. tt girl melted my plastic table cloth and my dough making mat!!! but it was fun lar.. the cookies were nice.. wished there was pictures.. had clement and weizhong over.. they were monster hunting.. i wanted to hunt too.. but had to watch jazelle... who knows what she myght melt or burn next if i monster hunted... then we woke up at bout 12 in the afternoon.. went to rivervale mall for lunch.. jazelle left early in the morning already... discussed with clement and weizhong bout the nyght.. decided on bbq at ecp.. then went home bathed and left my hse.. left at 230.. supposed to reach ecp at 330 to look for place.. there was a jam... reached at 430 liddat... tts just the start of the unlucky streak... started raining when i reached ecp... took shelter at one of the beach lounges.. then when the rain got smaller started hunting for shelter.. ALL occupied.. damn man.. damn! then when i hit a stretch where there were no shelter.. the rain started pouring.. i felt damn miserable.. VERY in fact... finally when i saw a shelter i walked in... felt like a million yrs when the rain finally let up.. then i went to conquer the lighthse thingiee.. when i finally took a breather cuz i found a shelter.. i started to look through my bag, and to my horror my PSP was SOAKING WET on one end.. i nearly died frm anguish... but lucky julia came along shortly after.. then i didn't think so much bout the PSP already.. its still wrking.. thank God for that.. then clement and wz came.. with a trolley they borrowed for 1 dollar... then we had our bbq at one of the pits.. hahaha.. borrowed too.. its nice to have a bbq with so lil ppl.. everyone's gathered around the fire.. cooking and eating and talking.. next time i'll have a small bbq again.. then chop chop done already all went back.. clem came to my place.. and tp came over after his gathering.. i finished the remainder of the chivas just to give tp the bottle.. felt pretty tipsy.. but tt feeling was gd.. then played one round of monster hunter... and we all pengz.. well tts my day... spent it with a lovely girl julia.. and my brothers.. hell... if life's like tt everyday.. who needs HER...

2007-12-16T00:49:00.000+08:00

aren't these roses beautiful.. its a good photo too! courtesy of a very very pretty photographer..RHODA! took that on my bdae.. was too lazy to upload it til today... tml will be the last day of my block leave.. damn.... camp's gonna be as boring as being at home.. at least i get to travel around during my leave.. gonna just rot again..

still pondering whether to run or not.. pretty tired today.. got no idea why.. i'm feeling grouchy and exhausted.. and hungry.. but no.. i'm not gonna eat tt supper... i need more discipline if i'm gonna run a marathon.. gosh.. just seems so impossible.. wonder how those ppl grew up... their minds are like the impenetrable fortress that neva wavers in the face of oppression.. my mind is just like a lil straw hut in the hurricane... bleah... guess they dun make big ppl like they used to.. ah whateva lar... see how later..

2007-12-10T15:24:00.000+08:00

finally i'm awake enuff to blog.. saturday's bbq was well.. successful.. in a way anyway.. to those who came.. thanks for coming.. to those who didn't.. i'm not sure why.. but u missed out on the fun.. and for those who were at the pit the whole time.. wah lao eh!! lim bei eh satay ley!!! i haven eat a stick at all!!!! hahaha..well..to jasmine that gave me a very nice shirt.. to my trackie juniors who shared in the Garo, to the seniors that shared this lovely jacket.. to jamie that gave me the memo holder.. to the brotherhood for the dragon.. to cheryl,kc, darius, teckpeng, clement, jerelyn who brought the alcohol.. to all those that travelled around with me and helping me... i thank you guys frm the bottom of my heart.. i enjoyed myself.. though it was tiring preparing the whole thing.. if i haven been a gd host i'm sorry... haha...

that aside.. i decided not to give the roses to her.. if she was trying damn hard to push me away.. she's finally done it.. why did she had to define sucha clear line for us i wld neva know.. but there's a limit to how much a person can take.. u called me a friend.. yet i dun feel like i'm being treated like one... oh how u have abused the words "my friend".. was it done once again to make urself feel less guilty.. just like when u pushed everything onto me and left me hanging there.. u thought u made things clear.. but know this.. the only person that had the clear picture of what happened was u and u alone.. i sat down with ppl to discuss bout it.. neva leaving out a single detail.. they cldn't tell me what i have done wrong... so i guess i must finally accept tt i wasn't at fault from the start.. if i was.. then it wld have been wanting to believe so much that u wldn't leave me like that.. but now its clear.. the roses deserves someone better.. not someone that will replace you.. just someone that deserves the love and care that i shower them with.. i'll go.. i'll live my life as if it was a slate wiped clean.. may our paths neva cross.... the ghost stays to haunt.. but in time.. its whisper will be nothing cept like the gentle breeze in the night..

2007-12-06T02:58:00.000+08:00

look at the time.. and i'm still up.. just finished watching some movies on dvd.. and errr yar.. still on the roses.. haha the finishing touches.. well some stuff came up.. so had to keep improvising.. and.. the big party's happening this sat yea.. lotzza preparations to be done... ALOT of preparations... well.. i'm gonna go to bed now.. gonna wake up early for sch later.. i'm sucha gd boy ain't i... hahahaha...

2007-11-29T18:01:00.000+08:00

haha done! but its not a very gd photo.. at least this is the arranged one.. step 2 complete... now for step three.. decorating it.. needa make a trip to artfriend.. but tt will wait.. my right hand's swollen from constantly squeezing the plier and stuff.. so girls.. how does the roses look.. like a huge blue and purple brocoli right.. hahaha.. cldn't make it into a proper hemisphere.. its still a lil outta shape here and there.. guess i'm losing the magic in my hands.. haha.. baby.. will it melt ur heart and bring u back to me? or will u show me ur backview as u walk away again... if each rose stood for how much i love you.. then i just regret the fact that i don't have enuff time to make more.. budden again.. i'll neva finish making them.. for there's neva an end to where this love comes from.. i wished u only knew..

2007-11-29T04:42:00.000+08:00

look at the time... and guess what.. i spent the whole nyght trying to arrange the bouquet.. was gd at first.. then it all went haywire.. so now.. after i dismantled the whole thing... i decided to make another plan on paper first.. lets hope this one works.. seems like God didn't make me as a full package.. i can create things.. but the packaging part.. hahaha i suck at it... i'm not complaining.. well if u're gd at everything.. its gonna be plain boring.. so.. i'll just learn it then.. gosh.. 99 stalks already liddat.. and i wished i had time to make 999... my brain must have been fried by the word love.. suddenly i feel like these flowers shld go to someone else.. budden again.. i made it with effort and with love for that particular her.. all the doubts and thinking are probably my head arguing with my head again.. i tot about possible scenarios.. none of them are gd.. no its not that i'm being negative.. its just that.. that strand of hope just seems soooooo near invisible.. if u know what i mean... feeling hungry.. neva tot making stuff cld get me this tired man.. anyway.. just wanted to blog bout it.. just wanted the world to know.. thats why i dun keep a diary.. thats why i keep a blog.. hahaha.. yea i'm the attention seeker.. i'm whateva everyone thinks i'm... thats just me.... :D

2007-11-27T21:32:00.000+08:00

99 roses all done.. well.. finished folding them anyway.. wats left is finding the wires for the stalk.. the decoration(leaves) and wrapping the bouquet.. now here comes the problem.. i dunno how to wrap the flowers.. making these flowers made me realise something.. sometimes we continue doing things even if we know its futile.. i wonder why.. izzit cuz.. having tried is better than not trying at all?? anyway.. i just hope.. really really hope.. that it touches and melts her heart.. like it did when i gave roses to her during valentine's day.. i do miss her.. like seriously..

2007-11-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

watched the enchanted this afternoon.. was a free movie screening.. caught it with jasmine,eric and jamie.. it was pretty funny.. i love this kinda movies.. but then things like that only happen in reel life.. thats why they're called the movies.. the day wasn't full of activities but at least its a change from being stuck at home.. and i enjoyed it.. i did.. well after all it beats being alone at home staring at my laptop and cramped in this squished up room.. hahaha.. my legs are still aching and i feel stiff like a log.. i'm complaining.. but somehow this all feels gd.. heh.. just hoping that i can recover by tml so i can go for a run...

2007-11-25T01:39:00.000+08:00

look at the time.. hahaha yesterday was a pretty hmmmmm enriching day? well enriching for my body tt is.. played bball in the morning.. had quite abit of fun.. but as usual.. injuries are common.. my left hand's index finger's injured.. the nail came up.. ok just abit.. eh eh.. i know i sound like a wuss.. but it hurts like fiak... my heel's hurting like hell.. but its the usual after bball... getting rusty.. i needa get out in the sun more man... after tt went back to my grandma's... slpt frm 2 to 5.. then my lil cousins came.. let them had a go at my psp before i left them to it... then i went out with eric and jie sheng.. haha poor guys.. i made them walk with me frm clarke to far east.. i know i neva mentioned this guys.. but if u're reading.. i thank u for walking with me.. just felt like moving about more today.... hahaha isn't it strange? this ain't an emo entry... hahaha i can be happy too.. but its not everyday tt happy things happen :) stay tuned... what can i say.. we blog for ppl to read..

2007-11-23T15:29:00.001+08:00

another wonderful day sneaking around school.. sometimes i just hate coming to sch.. maybe just cuz i'm not sure how i wld react if i see u.. budden all my frens are here.. most at least..seems like this is the only place that i can be.. at the clubhse now.. rummaging through some stuff.. heh.. miss the days when i still studied in sp.. seriously miss this place....

2007-11-23T01:46:00.000+08:00

heh.. i think its a lil late to realise i dun have the voice for singing... die.. hahaha.. just attempted to hear myself through a recording..it just sounded.. horrible.. weak voice.. a constant buzzing.. i dunno.. its just not solid enuff.. i wldn't even call it a voice! anybody has any bright ideas? hahaha...

2007-11-22T00:38:00.000+08:00

59 roses and nothing less.. soon.. i'll reach 99.. soon.. whoeva thought handmade roses have no thorns that prick and poke... they are wrong.. my finger tips are so poked that i'm like immune to the pins already.. comments girls.. will these melt ur heart? haha i need some confidence.. i need her back.. really..

2007-11-22T00:28:00.001+08:00

A single handmade rose that will tell a tale of a love that has froze itself in time.. a single handmade rose that will tell a tale of a love that never dies.. a single handmade rose for the one that i'll always love.. a single handmade rose with wishes immortalised.. a single handmade rose that marks the timeline of my love for u... for when the leaves wither and all its petals fall.. so will my love for u disappear with its fall...

2007-11-20T23:24:00.000+08:00

another 35 mins and my block leave starts.. heh.. been watching whose line izzt anyway.. its damn good eh.. think i'll have some of the games during my bbq.. gonna be away frm camp for awhile.. and -looks at his schedule- wow.. i'm so busy i can practically slp late everyday.. my planner's empty.. eh i'm hinting somethig guys.. get it.. get my hint!.. stupid laptop.. something's wrong with the N key... have to press harder to get it out.. irritating... anyway.. cya..

2007-11-18T01:30:00.000+08:00

well well well.. look at the time.. and i'm still up.. i must be trying to kill myself somehow.. gotta report to camp later at 8... like what the hell.. its a sunday and i still gotta wrk.. but looking frm another POV... at least i have something to do for the first half of sunday.. which leaves the second half to be... sian..... again.. trying to convert all my music files into mp3 now.. getting things ready for bbq.. preparing the stuff slowly.. heh.. if roses cld talk.. i wish those that i folded wld tell me what i'm thinking.. i miss the days when i slpt and woke with a smile on my face.. tts how much u meant to me.. u changed my life tt much..

2007-11-17T05:45:00.000+08:00

my laptop's acting weird... can't exactly open the internet explorer again.. crap... how long is this unlucky streak gonna continue for.. first i get posted back to 6/9DA.. then i have to officially stay in.. then in one single day...i had to go top up some damn tanker.. next i realised that in 6/9 i wld have to take IPPT.. and if i fail i'm gonna have to do RT..remedial training.. then i had to rush back to camp to top up some damned GP car's petrol.. argh... the next thing tt can actually happen is.... the bus i'm gonna take later breaks down.. i dunno man.. sometimes its not tt i dun wanna count my blessings.. its just that i dun exactly have any blessings to count.. not even the slightest bit... oh well i guess that explains my inactivity in the blog eh... but then again.. with all these laments.. it will probably be a dead one soon.. just like the old one..

2007-11-11T15:47:00.000+08:00

sundays are lazy days.. i'm lazy today.. very lazy.. but there are things still to be done.. folding roses... pricked my hands on the pins a couple of times.. being bullied by materials that should be listening to me... but.. what can i do... this is the fool tt i'm.. heh.. back to folding..

2007-11-10T11:29:00.000+08:00

i tried running earlier.. bleah... didn't complete it.. too much latic in my calves.. felt pretty light headed too.. guess this is wat u get frm being inactive for too long.. oh well.. doesn't matter that much, at least i started running ahead of schedule.. now all i gotta do is amend my schedule and stick to it... there's still alot of time left.. in fact.. plenty.. heh..

2007-11-09T21:43:00.000+08:00

today wasn't exactly a good day.. and i'm damn tired.. i guess i'll head to bed now.. and hopefully i'll wake up before the sun rises... i feel like running a lil... get some wind into these lungs of mine.. heh.. lousy day... even failed at wat i'm gd at... f-ed up...

2007-11-09T00:39:00.001+08:00

damn.. shldn't i be trying to slp... i need to readjust my body clock... the day passed pretty quickly.. spent it slping.. hahaha.. wat a way to spend a holiday right... well.. tts my life.. everyone's bz... heh

2007-11-08T02:15:00.001+08:00

yet again i'm blogging when most of this side of the world's sleeping.. folding roses now.. seem to be losing my touch.. they dun look as gd anymore... well i guess i'm just growing old.. heh.. when i look at myself.. i realise some changes in my actions.. but they all have the same aim.. i guess i just need attention.. pretty much explains why i like to do unique things.. its a daily struggle to prove to myself of my existence.. it tiring.. but i grew up like this.. u know what they say bout leopards not being able to change their spots.. i guess this is wat they meant.. heh.. back to my roses..

2007-11-06T03:45:00.000+08:00

i got no idea why but i seem to have the habit of blogging at unearthly hours, anyway i've got more ideas for the blog.. soon there will be two more sections.. one's inspired by ah da.. poems! and.. my art pieces.. rhoda has kindly agreed to help me photographed my art pieces in the future.. hurray for that! :) heh.. i think its bout time i try to sleep...

2007-11-05T08:26:00.000+08:00

after slogging for like wat 6 hrs? i'm finally done with this new blog of mine.. three cheers for myself... heh.. i'm beat.. cya.. myght blog later..

2007-11-05T02:12:00.001+08:00

i'm still figuring out this dumb thing